Over 3 months gone

Summer's over. Thank God. We were on the go the whole summer, with an extra push right at the end.

Then school started, which is its own version of chaos.

Then DD pulled the World's Dumbest Stunt and got suspended. We're just over halfway through her 10 days. I've been stunned, sad, angry and despairing, but we've kept up with her school work and we're just making it through.

The story I contracted back in April is through edits and should be available in November.

The house is in decent shape, mostly because my ILs were here for the weekend, so the kids and I did a mega-clean. The trick is to keep it this way.

Now I'm finally finding my mind again and looking around to see how I'm doing with those New Years Resolutions. Eat, Drink and Be Merry.

Eat - Well, I've lost 3 lbs so far this year. Yeah. Woohoo.

Drink - Good wine, good coffee, could use more water.

Be Merry - You know, it's been kind of a tough year so far. It really has. The Be Merry thing has worked out about as well as the Eat thing. But I'm going to keep working on it. '

Glad to be back.

A big weekend

DD turned 13 on Friday.
Yesterday, she "became a woman."
I'm all verklempt. *sniffle*

But boy is she gonna be peeved when she finds out she can't go to the pool this week!

That's all right. Today, we start the library summer reading program and our summer school work. Yes, I'm a mean mom who makes my kids do a whole 10-15 minutes of school work/day during the summer. DD especially needs to learn Spanish because she goofed off so much during the school year that it was a total waste.

The rest of it, though -- math and writing -- is just to make sure that they don't totally lose what they've learned. And DD needs to learn how to outline and structure an essay because, I swear, the school REFUSES to teach these kids how to write!

DD finally had to write a 3 paragraph essay about something, did a terrible job, and still made a B! I'm peeved, to say the least. This was the Challenge Language Arts class and their standards are impossibly low. Well, my kid is going to learn how to write well if it kills us both!

And honestly, she's a good writer. It's just that no one has ever taught her how to structure and plan out her writing. It's frustrating.

But for now, I'm off to work out!

Ok. Here's the plan.

I like making plans. They look so pretty on paper. Real life tends to make them messy, but at least I have a direction to head, right?

Yesterday was my last day of work! Yay!!!

I have a rather dreadful feeling that DH intends to rip out a chunk of my kitchen this weekend, so that means I need to clear off the counters so he has space to work.

Honestly, the plan is to finally clean the damn house. Since I started working, housework fell completely off the radar and I’m starting to ick myself out here. So that’s the first priority. Tidy first, toss the junk, sort the rest, then scrub. That’ll take the weekend, working in small chunks.

Tuesday will be at the library, at the grocery store, running all the errands that need to be run. I’m on my last roll of paper towels here, and I gotta stock up. We were supposed to go to the case lot sale at the Scott AFB Commissary last weekend, but we blew it off, so now it’s just me and Sam’s Club.

Still have family administrative stuff to do — things to register and de-register for, bills to pay, forms to fill out. Just all the little stuff that falls through the cracks while mommy’s brain is in neutral.

And then? Once all that stuff is either done or sorted by Wednesday or Thursday?

Then, I write.

Catching Up

It's been a few weeks since I've checked in at Home Sanctuary, which is kind of base point for my blog.

You know the story -- life got busy, projects came up, and the dh and I had a huuuuuge fight over the once-a-month housekeepers. Still working around that one.

I spent a chunk of last weekend at an academic conference for the Popular Culture Association of America. OMG SO COOL!!! Surrounded by geeks! Smart geeks! Brilliant geeks! Geeks who make me feel small and humble and not-real-bright, but they wanted to talk to me anyway!! I went as part of a panel discussion on romance publishing, and because they spend their time analyzing the literature (yes! They actually do serious literary critical analysis of popular romance!) they were fascinated by the writing and publishing process, market influences, cover art decisions, etc. All the stuff that romance writers take as part of their regular business day. It was way cool. :)

Anyway, I'm back. I have been keeping up with my reading log on the side, and I'm up to 39 books. I don't normally have reading goals, since I read all the time, but I'm pretty sure I can make 100 this year without too much effort.

Getting a new freezer today! In fact, the delivery men are here now. We joined a local Community Supported Agriculture group -- kind of a food co-op where all the food is local, from small farms, and as naturally raised as possible. We're splitting our share with another family, so we'll get a box every other week, but we needed a freezer anyway. I'm not able to take advantage of big sales on meat and other things because I have nowhere to store it. Now, I'm ready!

The house looks pretty good. And not just because the housekeepers were here. I've been keeping up with it on my own! I still hate to do floors and dust, but the rest isn't so bad.

I got a contract on the story I submitted in December. After I got the e-mail from my editor, I looked over the story for the first time since I turned it in. It's rough, but fixable.

And that's about it.
Yay freezer.
Yay contract.
Yay conference.
Sad about fighting with hubby, but we're working on it.

Serenity Now

Today, y’all get the confluence of a few things that have been flowing in my life that aren’t necessarily about writing, certainly aren’t paranormal, but they do influence my writing.

First, what genius thought up perimenopause? Because this betwixt and between stage is like the hell-end of purgatory and I can see the fire and brimstone from here.

*Deep breaths. Serenity now.*

I sometimes wish I was more crunchy granola with the whole maiden/mother/crone, moving through life stages, welcoming a change in fertility, yadda yadda yadda. This is a freaking nightmare. I can’t think and the mood swings should come with a warning claxon that screams, “Step away from your mother! Maintain peace at all costs! Go to your room if you value your life!”

*More deep breaths. Serenity now, please.*

Second, ADD can be kind of fun. Things that were lost become new again when found. This is not actually so when the lost thing is a bill.

*Whoo. Getting light headed. And was I not asking for serenity loudly enough?*

The mood swings are killing my writing, too. I am currently on my fifth version of this @#$*& Steampunk story. It’s not enough, apparently, that even though I started it four years ago it now looks like I’m just jumping on the bandwagon. No. Now I realize that because I have no magical or paranormal elements to it, I’m actually writing science fiction – and I swore I’d never write science fiction because the worldbuilding and the details are an absolute killer. Welcome to my fictional nightmare.

*Screw the deep breathing. Where the hell is my serenity?*

So. Wildly fluctuating hormone levels, wonky brain chemistry, and worldbuilding that is sapping my will to live. I haven’t decided whether to go Virginia Woolf or Mad Max with this little crossroads of life. But you know what I do want?

SERENITY NOW!!!!!

A fairy tale for your Valentine's Day

A couple of years ago, I decided to try a new style of writing and came up with a tweaked version of one of my favorite Norse fairy tales.

I posted it on my author website and people seem to enjoy it, so I thought I'd give it to you here.

(The story has been deleted while I revise it for publication.)

Not my best week

It really hasn't been. I've been in a funk all week.

The house is running pretty smoothly. Dinner worked out most nights -- except last night when it took 7 hours to crockpot chicken that should have cooked in 3-5. I had to improvise, so we had Eggs Florentine instead, which is just a fancy way of saying sauteed spinach with poached eggs...and I overcooked the eggs.

I went to the gym one day this week.

I've been hanging out at the Steampunk Workshop I mentioned, but I'm not enjoying it. When the heck did Steampunk turn into nothing more than a new venue for vamps, weres, demons and zombies?!?

Maybe I'm taking it too seriously, but most of the stories that people seem to be writing are just regular paranormals with a thin veil of brass and cogs.

And when I asked if there was a market for Steampunk that didn't have magic or paranormal elements, I was informed that it would probably end up getting sold as Sci-Fi Romance, which is a really bloody difficult sell.

I'm grumpy. I'm going to Bunco tonight, though. Maybe that'll lighten my mood.

This is the anti-Merry.

Steampunk Workshop

I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that the 2 people who read this blog aren't really familiar with a) the inner workings of writing a romance novel or b) weird cross-over genres like Steampunk Romance, which is kind of like Victorian Science Fiction. The Wiki article is very good.

However, if you're interested in getting into the nitty gritty of building an alternate history, plus boy meets girl in goggles, then you might be interested in coming to a Steampunk Workshop that's being hosted FREE at Romance Divas.

Registration is free and the workshop features several authors -- not all romance authors -- who are building the foundation of the genre.

I've got a Steampunk Romance on a back burner, so this is Really Exciting for me!

Finally!

The 3 1/2 day weekend is over! The kids had only a half-day on Friday. So let's get this schedule straight:
Christmas holiday.
The first week back to school, they only went 3 days, then had 2 snow days.
The second week (last week), they went 4 1/2 days.
The third week (this week) is only 4 days.

Hmph. Maybe I'm just cranky because I can't settle on anything to read. I started "The Dracula Dossier" but even though the story seems interesting, I'm just not in the mood.

I also started reading the anthology I'm in -- yes, I'm a huge chicken and I'm too scared to read my own books. Not least because the last anthology I was in, I didn't like the other two stories. That sounds awful, but it's true.

Anyway, I've read one of the other three stories in this anthology and I liked it. Yay! But I'm just not in the mood for romantic comedy right now.

There's a book on my shelf that I've been meaning to read for months. In fact, a writer's forum that I'm on is doing a workshop on Steampunk this week, so I really, really SHOULD read this book. ("Clockwork Heart" by Dru Pagliasotti) But now I feel forced to read it, which makes me cranky.

Hmph. This is starting to feel an awful lot like a "Bag it and go back to bed" kind of morning. I woke up two hours early with a crick in my neck and a horrible fear that I'd slept on my glasses and either broken them or bent them beyond recognition. I hadn't, but it was a touchy few moments while I looked for them.

I still have the crick in my neck.

I also feel like I SHOULD go to the gym this morning. I haven't been since October.

Ok. So. Must be more positive. Must Be Merry!

I'm doing a slimming challenge with some other writer friends and the challenge this week is to get 5 fruits/veggies every day. I know I made it yesterday, so I just have to figure out the rest of the week.

Still need to make my menu for the week, too, so maybe I'll lean veggie on that.

And I'm moving forward on "The Misplaced Marriage" (Victorian historical). I don't know why I write historicals. Everything I've published has been paranormal romantic comedy. People like my paranormal romantic comedies! So why would I screw that up by writing a not-comic historical?

Because I am obviously dumber than I think I am, whale-sized ass notwithstanding.

And because I like that story. There. Dammit. I'm going to write it and Be Merry!

So, off to write for a bit, then the gym, then the grocery shopping. It'll be a full day.

My week in writing

2000 words on The Misplaced Marriage.
2500 words on the Gorgon/Mercenary (no title yet).
Finished A Dark and Stormy Knight, part 1.

Not a bad week's work. Not bad at all.

Also, the house is clean. The laundry's caught up. I've been making dinner -- ok, one night we had pizza -- but other than that, it's been all homemade.

Yes, indeed. This has been a good week, even with my three schedule freakouts. (Three separate links.)

A week of Small Things

I did all right this week!

The house is in decent shape although my bedroom could really do with half an hour of serious effort.

The kids are on their 2nd snow day, and we went sledding yesterday! I hate the cold, but that was a lot of fun.

Dinner has been homemade and on time all week.

I interviewed a housekeeper who will come in once a month starting next Tuesday -- and I can afford her! I interviewed 3 people and the other two both charged nearly twice as much!!

Janet Napolitano is either 1) a complete and utter moron, or 2) has her foot shoved so far down her throat it will never, ever, ever come out and she should stop talking immediately. You're doing a heckuva job, BrowJanet!

The writing is going well! I've made significant progress on 3 stories this week.
*I started with a new paranormal romantic comedy short for a Free Read that will come out this summer.
*Then I switched gears to my Victorian romance. Very formal voice. Completely different from the rom-coms.
*And last night, I decided to work on another wip (work in progress). A paranormal romantic comedy about a Gorgon and a foul-mouthed mercenary.

This has been a very, very good week!

Writing Crap

Today's Small Thing is to do something halfway. Kind of a kick in the pants of the Messy Perfectionist.

Basically, go do something half-assed, because half-assed is better than no ass at all. *gg* I just like saying 'ass.' It's the inner 12yo coming out again.

I already know what I'm going to do halfway. I'm going to write crap. Turn off the internal editor, not worry about finding THE perfect word, but just get as much of the story down as I can. I can fix and fiddle and tweak later, but today, I'm giving myself permission to NOT write perfectly.

Also, I might do a half-assed job of cleaning up my kitchen.

*snicker* Why is that word so funny?

ETA: There. I washed the dishes, but I haven't wiped off the countertops. Ok, I'll probably do that before I start to cook, but I've got to go run errands now, so I'm leaving the counters for now. A job half-done!

New Years Resolutions: Eat Drink and Be Merry!

Resolution 1: Write every day!
Resolution 2: Lose weight!
Resolution 3: Be on time!

As if putting exclamation marks behind them makes them more likely to happen. snort

I went through my blog a little while ago and searched out all my old resolutions or goals or things to aim for or whatever I like to call them that year. I think the only one I succeeded at was the one where for one year I was going to Drink More Coffee.

I liked that. That was a good resolution. I made that resolution work.
Since I’m pretty much at my limit, caffeine-wise, though, I think it’s time for a new resolution.

Eat Drink and Be Merry!

Like any good resolution, though, I should break it down into concrete goals.

Eat: What? Eat more Twinkies? More Oreos? More chocolate? Given the size of my ever-expanding ass, I should probably cut back on the Twinkies and Oreos. Try to take my chocolate though, and you’ll likely draw back a bloody stump.

How about if I resolve to eat more Good Food? More whole foods, more local, sustainable, naturally or organically grown foods. Home cooked meals that showcase new cooking skills, that emphasize flavor, as opposed to convenience foods that we shovel in because we’re too rushed to enjoy them. I think that my new copy of Joy of Cooking and I are going to develop a very close relationship.

Drink: Good coffee. Good wine. More water.

The good thing about being married to a guy who likes a good deal is that you end up getting nifty things like Keurig coffee machines for outrageously low prices. As he’s now gainfully employed and no longer at home with me during the day, we found that we no longer made a pot of coffee in the morning because most of it went to waste. Dude. I can only drink so much coffee before I start to twitch, you know? Enter the Keurig with those cute little pods. We can even use our own coffee, so now my caffeine consumption is back to previous levels. Aaaahhhhh.

We live near this awesome liquor store (they gots wine what comes in biiiig bottles – with screw tops!) I’m kidding. It’s a great shop that does weekly wine tastings with knowledgeable people who talk about wine and food pairings, history of the vineyards, different flavors to look for – all that stuff that I used to think was for people who had their corks screwed on too tightly, you know what I mean? It’s fascinating. I’m serious. I’m totally into this now and we’ve found some amazing wines. They’re not stuck up at all and they’ll as soon recommend a wine that costs $12 as one that costs $40 or more. Which reminds me, vintners are starting to use screw tops on even their expensive wines. Yay for easy access! The store is moving further up the road this spring, though, and it’ll be harder to get to them. I’m going to miss going there on Saturdays. I’ll need to find a new wine shop. Pity me. *gg*

As for water, my husband, crazy romantic that he is, got us all Klean Kanteens for Christmas. It’s good, though. Mine’s bright red and I like it. I drank a whole bottle of water yesterday and that’s something I rarely do.

Between the coffee, the wine and the water, it’s a good thing I splurge on the nice TP.

Finally, Be Merry.

I have a relatively short list of things that make me happy. Being with my family, eating, drinking, reading and writing, watching movies where Vin Diesel takes off his shirt. For the last third of the year, I struggled with writing, though, and it was painful.

This year, I resolve to be merry as I write. All year. Whether I write flash fiction, short stories, novellas, or even write that novel I’ve been meaning to get around to, I want to enjoy writing. I want to pull up to my keyboard every day and look forward to getting the words on the screen. No doubt, I’ll encounter times when the words won’t come or the scene won’t work. It won’t even surprise me to find that I’ll have to abandon a story partway through. But I hope to remember that I’m fortunate enough to write because I love to write.

Let 2010 be the year where we can all Eat Drink and Be Merry!!

Ok, Four

And after reading the last message from a friend of mine, it helps to know that I'm not the only writer who goes through this quagmire of ... what is it? Indecision? Crisis of confidence? Lack of direction?

Perhaps it's all three.

For now, I'll continue to write, but not to deadline. I'll write the story however I damn well please and turn it in when it's done.

I think the last story really did a number on me. I'll never write a continuity again unless I already know where I'm going with it.

I did sign up to write a freebie for Valentine's Day. It's mostly written and just needs some tweaking. Writing shorts always clears my mind.

Two people

From my writing community have said they'd miss me if I quit.

Not that I'm trying to decide by committee, but it's telling, don't you think?

What next?

I haven't done a ton of research, just a quick blitz overview on opinions about being a feminist, secular and Christian homemaker. I actually concentrated on secular homemaking and 3rd wave feminism for a couple of reasons.

First, too many Christian homemaker sites are about submission, obedience, a woman's place, etc. They're trying so damn hard to prove how holy they are that they end up being extremely angry people who can't have a discussion about an alternate viewpoint without throwing around irrational invective.

I'm a Christian, so I find that very embarrassing. You can't talk to people like that.

I also did a little reading on how people reconcile feminism and homemaking. There remains this divide between working moms and SAHMs. The Mommy Wars continue and frankly, I'm over it. It was stupid 12 yrs ago and it's stupid now.

I'm a SAHM because it was the most logical thing to do as my husband was military. I went through a period of trying to find my place in the world that wasn't just about mothering. You know what? The first 3-4 years of being a mom are just plain hard and even though some parts are great, some aren't.

They don't last forever and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

So reading up on 3rd wave feminism has been interesting. It's a movement very much rooted in personal ideology, rather than sweeping social or political change, although those aspects are still at the forefront of the movement.

But for me, it basically means that I'm not tied to my kitchen because I have no choice. Well, duh.

I've been out of the 'workforce' for...well, forever. I was never really in it. I was a professional student with a series of part-time jobs before I got married.

I recently began considering what I would do if I had to go back to work for pay. You know what? I would hate it. I am not meant to do the 9-5 cubicle thing. Even before I married and had kids, I would have hated it. Where's the freedom of choice in that? It's not that I find immense fulfillment in scrubbing toilets, but being a SAHM has allowed me the freedom to pursue a career that HAS been fulfilling. Something that I honestly would not have been able to do if I was trying to do the Supermom thing.

When DS was about 15 months old and DD was 4, I started writing. Suddenly, I wasn't just a mom. I was a writer, too. And it's been, overall, pretty awesome.

As I mentioned, I've been writing for almost 8 years now and I'm starting to wonder if it's time for another transition. I remember when an author I knew quite writing few years ago and I thought, "Who would give this up?"

I get it now. I really do. I'm burning out. It's all about production and pace and publishing and promoting now.

So now I'm asking the same question I asked 8 yrs ago. What comes next?

Haven't decided yet

I haven't decided yet whether I'm going to quit writing or not. I have a couple of blog posts to do, but unless my editor picks up my latest submission -- which she shouldn't because it sucks -- I think I may hang this up.

I'm not succeeding and I can't take it. I understand that my bar is unreasonably high. I understand that I will never, ever make that jump. I've been throwing myself at it for years, but because of what I write and how I write, I'm not going to make it to the top.

I suppose I have succeeded to some extent. I am published. I get paid. I have readers, I suppose. To a lot of people, that's success.

I don't even really know what my definition of success is, to be honest. Is it NY? Maybe.

But once I get there, then what? The bar keeps moving.

I'm deciding. By Jan 1, I'll have made my decision, for better or worse. I'll either be a writer, or I won't.