New Years Resolutions: Eat Drink and Be Merry!

Resolution 1: Write every day!
Resolution 2: Lose weight!
Resolution 3: Be on time!

As if putting exclamation marks behind them makes them more likely to happen. snort

I went through my blog a little while ago and searched out all my old resolutions or goals or things to aim for or whatever I like to call them that year. I think the only one I succeeded at was the one where for one year I was going to Drink More Coffee.

I liked that. That was a good resolution. I made that resolution work.
Since I’m pretty much at my limit, caffeine-wise, though, I think it’s time for a new resolution.

Eat Drink and Be Merry!

Like any good resolution, though, I should break it down into concrete goals.

Eat: What? Eat more Twinkies? More Oreos? More chocolate? Given the size of my ever-expanding ass, I should probably cut back on the Twinkies and Oreos. Try to take my chocolate though, and you’ll likely draw back a bloody stump.

How about if I resolve to eat more Good Food? More whole foods, more local, sustainable, naturally or organically grown foods. Home cooked meals that showcase new cooking skills, that emphasize flavor, as opposed to convenience foods that we shovel in because we’re too rushed to enjoy them. I think that my new copy of Joy of Cooking and I are going to develop a very close relationship.

Drink: Good coffee. Good wine. More water.

The good thing about being married to a guy who likes a good deal is that you end up getting nifty things like Keurig coffee machines for outrageously low prices. As he’s now gainfully employed and no longer at home with me during the day, we found that we no longer made a pot of coffee in the morning because most of it went to waste. Dude. I can only drink so much coffee before I start to twitch, you know? Enter the Keurig with those cute little pods. We can even use our own coffee, so now my caffeine consumption is back to previous levels. Aaaahhhhh.

We live near this awesome liquor store (they gots wine what comes in biiiig bottles – with screw tops!) I’m kidding. It’s a great shop that does weekly wine tastings with knowledgeable people who talk about wine and food pairings, history of the vineyards, different flavors to look for – all that stuff that I used to think was for people who had their corks screwed on too tightly, you know what I mean? It’s fascinating. I’m serious. I’m totally into this now and we’ve found some amazing wines. They’re not stuck up at all and they’ll as soon recommend a wine that costs $12 as one that costs $40 or more. Which reminds me, vintners are starting to use screw tops on even their expensive wines. Yay for easy access! The store is moving further up the road this spring, though, and it’ll be harder to get to them. I’m going to miss going there on Saturdays. I’ll need to find a new wine shop. Pity me. *gg*

As for water, my husband, crazy romantic that he is, got us all Klean Kanteens for Christmas. It’s good, though. Mine’s bright red and I like it. I drank a whole bottle of water yesterday and that’s something I rarely do.

Between the coffee, the wine and the water, it’s a good thing I splurge on the nice TP.

Finally, Be Merry.

I have a relatively short list of things that make me happy. Being with my family, eating, drinking, reading and writing, watching movies where Vin Diesel takes off his shirt. For the last third of the year, I struggled with writing, though, and it was painful.

This year, I resolve to be merry as I write. All year. Whether I write flash fiction, short stories, novellas, or even write that novel I’ve been meaning to get around to, I want to enjoy writing. I want to pull up to my keyboard every day and look forward to getting the words on the screen. No doubt, I’ll encounter times when the words won’t come or the scene won’t work. It won’t even surprise me to find that I’ll have to abandon a story partway through. But I hope to remember that I’m fortunate enough to write because I love to write.

Let 2010 be the year where we can all Eat Drink and Be Merry!!

Ok, Four

And after reading the last message from a friend of mine, it helps to know that I'm not the only writer who goes through this quagmire of ... what is it? Indecision? Crisis of confidence? Lack of direction?

Perhaps it's all three.

For now, I'll continue to write, but not to deadline. I'll write the story however I damn well please and turn it in when it's done.

I think the last story really did a number on me. I'll never write a continuity again unless I already know where I'm going with it.

I did sign up to write a freebie for Valentine's Day. It's mostly written and just needs some tweaking. Writing shorts always clears my mind.

Two people

From my writing community have said they'd miss me if I quit.

Not that I'm trying to decide by committee, but it's telling, don't you think?

What next?

I haven't done a ton of research, just a quick blitz overview on opinions about being a feminist, secular and Christian homemaker. I actually concentrated on secular homemaking and 3rd wave feminism for a couple of reasons.

First, too many Christian homemaker sites are about submission, obedience, a woman's place, etc. They're trying so damn hard to prove how holy they are that they end up being extremely angry people who can't have a discussion about an alternate viewpoint without throwing around irrational invective.

I'm a Christian, so I find that very embarrassing. You can't talk to people like that.

I also did a little reading on how people reconcile feminism and homemaking. There remains this divide between working moms and SAHMs. The Mommy Wars continue and frankly, I'm over it. It was stupid 12 yrs ago and it's stupid now.

I'm a SAHM because it was the most logical thing to do as my husband was military. I went through a period of trying to find my place in the world that wasn't just about mothering. You know what? The first 3-4 years of being a mom are just plain hard and even though some parts are great, some aren't.

They don't last forever and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

So reading up on 3rd wave feminism has been interesting. It's a movement very much rooted in personal ideology, rather than sweeping social or political change, although those aspects are still at the forefront of the movement.

But for me, it basically means that I'm not tied to my kitchen because I have no choice. Well, duh.

I've been out of the 'workforce' for...well, forever. I was never really in it. I was a professional student with a series of part-time jobs before I got married.

I recently began considering what I would do if I had to go back to work for pay. You know what? I would hate it. I am not meant to do the 9-5 cubicle thing. Even before I married and had kids, I would have hated it. Where's the freedom of choice in that? It's not that I find immense fulfillment in scrubbing toilets, but being a SAHM has allowed me the freedom to pursue a career that HAS been fulfilling. Something that I honestly would not have been able to do if I was trying to do the Supermom thing.

When DS was about 15 months old and DD was 4, I started writing. Suddenly, I wasn't just a mom. I was a writer, too. And it's been, overall, pretty awesome.

As I mentioned, I've been writing for almost 8 years now and I'm starting to wonder if it's time for another transition. I remember when an author I knew quite writing few years ago and I thought, "Who would give this up?"

I get it now. I really do. I'm burning out. It's all about production and pace and publishing and promoting now.

So now I'm asking the same question I asked 8 yrs ago. What comes next?

Haven't decided yet

I haven't decided yet whether I'm going to quit writing or not. I have a couple of blog posts to do, but unless my editor picks up my latest submission -- which she shouldn't because it sucks -- I think I may hang this up.

I'm not succeeding and I can't take it. I understand that my bar is unreasonably high. I understand that I will never, ever make that jump. I've been throwing myself at it for years, but because of what I write and how I write, I'm not going to make it to the top.

I suppose I have succeeded to some extent. I am published. I get paid. I have readers, I suppose. To a lot of people, that's success.

I don't even really know what my definition of success is, to be honest. Is it NY? Maybe.

But once I get there, then what? The bar keeps moving.

I'm deciding. By Jan 1, I'll have made my decision, for better or worse. I'll either be a writer, or I won't.