DH — What do you mean you didn’t glue the stars on Monkey Boy’s Pinewood Derby car?!? By the way, I’ll be home late and probably won’t be able to help set up the Derby at the school gym. (Not his fault — he’s been working 14 hour days for the last two weeks.)
DS — Yay Pinewood Derby! No clue what I’m doing! Also, please tell me a fourth time to do my homework because I love it when you totally lose your cool and shriek like that.
DD — I also love being repeatedly screamed at to do my homework. Because I didn’t hear you the first three times when you asked me reasonably and politely and treated me like a real, functioning human being. Nope. The screaming works for me. Also, I’m failing Geography.
Dog — Hi Mom! Love you, Mom! Sorry I puked on your floor, Mom! *hlrup* Sorry I puked on your floor AGAIN, Mom! Please take me to the vet so I can have surgery to remove the thing that I ate that I wasn’t supposed to eat that’s now blocking up my insides and making me *hlrup* Sorry I puked on your floor, Mom!
Then they all looked at me like they had no idea what was wrong when I finally did lose my mind and pitched a stomping, screaming fit.
So go ahead. Pull the pin on my grenade. At least I won’t have to clean up the mess.
